I know it's true.

   Every Sunday morning I rise early and give myself the pep talk to prepare for what may lie ahead. My husband is gone attending his Priesthood meetings and I'm left to get my two boys ready for church. I know, I know, having two boys may not seem like a huge task compared to the wonderful super-moms who have more, but two for me is difficult, especially on Sunday mornings.  My oldest Seth somehow finds a reason to counter every word I say, and Ashton, my oh so sweet Ashton just doesn't like much of anything....well besides breakfast.

 A normal morning would consist of Ashton screaming when I try to change his diaper, more screaming when I struggle to clothe his cute chubby body, and again when I do his hair, which is why most often then not its never done. My sweet Seth loves to sneak the iPad and play on it knowing he shouldn't. He does a great job at dressing himself, which is such a huge help for me, but he never fails to change out of his clothes and into a costume 10 minutes before we need to jet out the door. By the time we reach our church building, Seth is eye balling the parking lot to see which of his friends are there that day, and Ashton is just excited to get out of the car. 

My husband isnt able to sit with me during the Sacrament (if you don't know what that is click here) so I have the sole responsibility to keep two children as reverent as I can for a little over an hour. Seth normally does well, he is old enough to color or draw, but Ashton on the other hand isn't. He scatters the crayons, steps on Seth's drawings, hits Seth with whatever he can find, and usually has at least two screaming fits especially when he sees his dad at the front. It can be quite challenging, and I feel so inadequate when I see mothers doing it with more children then what I have. They are my inspiration to help me get through each Sacrament meeting, and to have the patience to handle the plate that I have been given. 

I don't do this every week to torture myself, or to boast that I am a Christian. I do this because I know that Jesus Christ lives. I know that the only way to find that pure and true happiness is from the gospel of Jesus Christ. I know this is true because I have witnessed it myself in my own life. I used to wonder where I came from, why am I here and I struggled with finding true inner happiness. Once I learned about the gospel of Jesus Christ and really understood the why of many unanswered questions I had, that happiness that I longed for entered my life and has yet to leave. 

I know that by sacrificing small things, such as a Sunday to learn more about our purpose here on earth, we are blessed for it. I know that if we take that first initial leap of faith doors will open we didn't know existed, and a life we could only have dreamed of would be reality. I love my life as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and I am proud to -- "stand as a witness of God at all times and in all things, and in all places, even until death."-- Mosiah 18:9.

I love this Gospel and I love and treasure those who dared to stand alone to help me reach my fullest potential and be the best wife and mother that I possibly can. 

Alycia.

Hello Flu...Goodbye 10lbs

I suppose I cant ignore my enthusiasm on working out in my previous post any longer. My high hopes of loosing all my baby weight came to a sudden halt when I had the worst stomach flu of my entire life.

 I took my oldest son to his first Pre-Kindergarten Christmas concert in 2012. It went as normal as any other occasion I get excited for. My stroller was to big to push around in the crowd of people, and of course my eight month old was sound asleep. So I left him in the stroller while I watched the cute musical presentation they provided us with. My video camera that I wanted "so bad" to capture moments such as these wouldn't work. And when I say wouldn't work I mean when I press the "take a photo button" I obviously meant record. So now I have these fuzzy terrible looking photos of him standing there with his mouth open.

That's when I started feeling sick, and honestly, just wanted to go home. I wasnt in the best of mood so the thought of having a bunch of 4 year old children making a Christmas tree out of icing, sprinkles, candies and an ice cream cone wasn't exactly what I wanted to participate in. My son was to excited to pass up that opportunity, and I couldn't bare to tell him we were going home. We stayed, and frosted each portion of that cone, and placed a variety of candy so that it covered the entire tree, and then came the words "Now...I get to eat it." A mothers worst nightmare. I thought to myself, why would they torture us parents like that? Have our kids make a super sugary treat then say "Adios, oh and have a  Merry Christmas." Terrible to say, but at this point in my soon to be death torture, I didn't care. Did I mention while we were making our awesome tree, a random person walked up to me and said "Is that your baby?" "Yes" I embarrassingly responded. "He is screaming." I rushed over there and sure enough it was my child who was purple faced crying strapped in a huge stroller, and I was the mother that was oblivious to it.  Oops!

On the drive home I phoned my husband and told him how I was feeling sick, and I needed him to come home. I had a hope inside of me that he would rush to my rescue, but then reality struck and all he had was a short apology and in four hours he would be home.

Finally my husband got home, the kids were still up, unfed and I was lying on the couch feeling as if I was dying. My entire body hurt, and my stomach was in excruciating pain. Because my husband is so awesome, he took care of the kids. Unfortunately it was only a Tuesday and he didn't have any days off until Saturday.

Have you ever nursed while sick with the flu? I never have until this death sickness struck me and let me tell you. It. Is. Awful. There are no words for me to explain the intensity of how badly I hated this flu, and having to take care of two children was so difficult.

It was more like a twelve hour flu then a twenty four hour recovery. I still did not want to eat the next two or so days but forced down a couple crackers every few hours.

So in ending, the flu literally! Almost killed me, or so it felt that way, but I did loose that ten pounds..in twelve hours...shockingly, it never came back. To me, it was almost like sympathy gift. Here is a nasty unspeakable, dreadful stomach flu, but don't you worry! That ten pounds will never return.

At first I glorified in the simple fact I didn't have to work out daily. Then realized, I still do... So I began to start a routine, then came Christmas 2013 and I stopped but here we are entering 2014 and I'm back at it. I'm not sure if it will ever feel enjoyable, but I know that my future self will appreciate it. I can already see my metabolism slow down and if I want any more kids in the future years I know I need to keep working toward having a regular exercise routine.

It only took me one entire year after my horrific experience with my photos, and a nasty flu to get me going.

So I welcome 2014 with open arms. I am excited to see where our family goes, how I grow into becoming a better wife and mother and just simply enjoy this little messy, chaotic life we have here in Canada.

As promised here are the two pictures.

Before

After

Blahhhh

I came across this blog with such an enlightening post here. After reading such an inspiring message I told myself joyfully I want my children to remember the mother I am, the sacrifice I made to make sure they had everything they needed or even wanted. I didnt want to miss out on capturing precious moments or milestones because my hair was frizzy, or my desired weight hadnt been reached yet.

  This determined optimistic change lasted until I recently took photos. I took one glance at my stomach bulging over my jeans and my heart sank.  I silently thought is this what I really look like? Then I easily recalled the days I spent eating caramelites, cookies and better than anything cake for breakfast. Now I see where every piece of delicious Heaven went. Then unwillingly I looked at my legs. When did those fill out?? I swear just the other day I justified how great I looked in the mirror. 

Now of course I just had to add to the fire. While taking pictures I thought it would be "sooo cute" to take a picture of our family walking down a dirt road. My husband and I holding hands, while our four year old happily took a ride on Cameron's shoulders and I held our sweet 6 month old. The image I had in my mind was a Pinterest type of photo. I even had the perfect place picked out on our wall.

Well, since I'm writing this post obviously it turned out way different then what I had expected. Our two boys, were adorable, and my husband even looked great....but then there was me and not only was it me, but it was me from behind??? WHAT WAS I THINKING. Instead of exiting out of my photos and walking away dealing with my bulging stomach and tree trunk thighs I zoom in!! Big mistake. There it was, my worst nightmare. I gulped and thought is that really me, over and over until it sank in....Yep thats definitely me....

The pain and embarrassment I felt at that moment was more than I could handle. Many ideas scrambled through my mind, like I'll never walk in front of anyone every again, I need longer shirts, and so on.

Can I just say booooo on the body bouncing back after baby number 2. I dont know about anyone else but after I had Seth I had nothing to worry about. I gained 60+ pounds and was back down to my pre-pregnancy size in one month. I have a second child and only gained 29 lbs and it looks like my body is made of goo and someone threw it against the wall...SPLAT is all I see when I look at myself, especially in the recent pictures.

I promise this isnt a depressing sympathy post to gain any attention. I do have a motive here or at least I hope I do.

Finally after the initial shock I was able to think rationally, I came to a conclusion. Theres a wonderful thing called cardio. Ahhh HAH!!! Maybe, just maybe if I change my terrible eating habits and run on the treadmill I've given my husband such a hard time about having since its hardly been used. No need to embarrass myself more by going to a gym, it seems all to good to be true.

So here it is, I dont care what I "weighed" before I had Ashton, or Seth. I still want to capture moments with my children, but I also want to feel good. I want to look back to these days and be proud of the mother I am, but also be proud of ME and feel good about the skin I"m in. I've attempted to start this for two months now but have had a hard time sticking to it. Am I the only one with this problem??

I was thinking of posting my horrific experience with my photos but I'll save myself the embarrassment until I take a new one and hopefully look much better.

I'm committed now, I have to do this! Its far more embarrassing to post this publicly and not make a change than it is to just get up and do it....right???

I can do this.....I can do this.....I can do this....

Has every mother been there?

I try to believe every mother has been at a point where she wonders how she could ever love her second baby as much as her first. I for one have. Even though we intentionally got pregnant, and we were unbelievably excited to finally be adding to our family. I still had this thought run through my mind until I held my sweet Ashton. Then all of a sudden it felt like I had two hearts full of equal love for these two precious boys.

Now with time speeding by...sheesh some days I wish it would slow down. I look at Ashton and my heart melts. I caught myself shedding a few tears the other day because he is already 5 months old. We introduce solids next month and I told my husband "What if we prolong it one more month," his reply was "Either way he will eventually start hun, you cant prolong them growing up."

 Have I mentioned how I didnt even want to put my oldest, Seth in Sunbeams?? I wanted to wait another year just so I could prepare myself. I didnt even realize it was happening until we were all sitting in Sacrament, and they announced that the classes would be changing. My heart sank, and I looked at Cameron. Of course he was just grinning from ear to ear, and I"m over there sobbing. I blame that emotional break down on my pregnancy.

I always try to remember, one day I will miss the sticky door knobs, clothes aka underwear out in the open, piles of exhausting laundry that needs tending, and looking at my house wondering where the tornado came from since I literally just cleaned it. The days I dont want to keep to our kid's bedtime routine, with family prayer, family scripture study, brushing teeth, pj's, and then finally story time I tell myself  one day they wont want stories, and this is my time to make every second count. To allow them to have a childhood of remembering how much I love spending time with them.

Parenting is so hard, in ways I never thought it would be. With that being said, it is so rewarding. I remember being pregnant with Seth and countless people would make comments like "Oh no are you ready for this?" "You sure your up for it?" "Just wait for the terrible two's!"  What a negative way to describe parenthood.

The hard days, I'm thankful for. The easy days, I'm just as thankful for.

I'm not done having kids, and I"m grateful I still get the privileged to experience more baby moments, toddler moments, and child moments. Once I leave that chapter behind, I know I'll miss what I have today, but I'll also be excited for the next one. Until then I will enjoy my two boys :)

A New Life...

What an exciting heading! Well, for me anyway. 




Birth Story...


Thirty eight weeks pregnant: I'm not sure who started the glowing rumor about pregnancy, but surely they've never experienced it firsthand themselves. I felt overly huge, uncomfortable, loss of energy; my heartburn was so bad I ate Tums sun up to down; walking was painful, and every time I felt my sweet angel move, I thought he broke my hip bones.  By this time, in my pregnancy, its called the "I'm done" phase and the thought of  two more weeks is enough to bring me to tears.


April twenty ninth around five thirty my water broke. Not only did it break, but I was sitting on my couch, and you can just imagine the mess it made. I jumped up and ran to the kitchen where I  stood in utter shock. Even though I was physically prepared for this baby to come I wasn't mentally ready. I didn't even pack my hospital bag. YIKES! Since I was having a VBAC my OBGYN told me that if my water broke I needed to go into the hospital right away. I told my husband "My water just broke." He gets up and walks over to me, and I cry.  My tears were caused by dirty laundry, yep that's right. I was crying because the laundry wasn't done. How could we bring our new baby home to a "dirty house" as I put it? Sometimes I would love to know what goes on in a mans head when all of this chaos is going on.


I go upstairs to our bedroom, leaking amniotic fluid from the couch to the kitchen, up the stairs, down the hall and into our bedroom/bathroom. My husband follows and begins to call his brother while starting a load of laundry. what a sweet husband I have.


After one shower and two changes of clothes, I came to realize nothing is going to stay dry or clean. My brother in law shows up, we explain to Seth that Ashton is coming, and we will see him tomorrow. Then off to the hospital we go.


The drive to the hospital will be a memory, I will always hold dear to me. We were both starting to feel excited and less scared about having this baby. Maybe I was ready after all!! The thought continually weighed on my mind if I would be able to have a VBAC, and there I was, on my way to find out. 


We arrived at the hospital and got checked in. Then waited, and waited, and waited. By the time I was admitted into the hospital and taken to my room my contractions were getting stronger. My optimistic way of thinking started to decrease, I totally forgot what labor felt like. I guess four years can bring a thick fog over my memory. I could have sworn at this pain level I had to be at least a 6...nope, I was a 3-4. WHAT!!! How on earth am I going to be able to handle this?? I will admit right here that I am a wimp before contractions and especially during them.


My doctor came in and recommended an epidural. Since I was trying for a VABC, in case of an emergency, they would have to put me to sleep, and I did not want that at all. I wanted to be awake and alert when I gave birth to my son. No matter how he came into this world, I wanted to be apart of that moment...and I was in a lot of pain so it sounded wonderful. Note: I have decided formally that all women who give birth without one, are considered to me "Super-Wonder-Woman." I received my epidural when I was dilated to an 8, and that was pretty much all I could take. I could still feel a lot of pain and pressure, but it took the edge off....thankfully! 


Finally, I'm dilated to a 10 and ready to push. This is the moment that I had been waiting for. I researched VBACS until I was blue in the face for three years. I did everything I could to plan and prepare to have a baby the way we were intended to have them. 


(My husband gave me an amazing spiritual blessing a few weeks before I went into labor. It really expounded on my labor and delivery, which gave me so much comfort and belief in myself that I could do this. Through prayer, faith and obedience, I knew I could have this VBAC.)


One hour and twenty minutes later our new sweet blessing took his first breath at 1:20 a.m. on April 30. 

Ashton James Kinneard

7.4lbs/20.9"

I did it!! I had a successful VBAC!! Not only, that but I finally had it all. I was with my husband, and now we were blessed with another precious boy. I waited so long to have this baby. Spending two and half years praying and hoping for so many things, and now watching all of my dreams come true humbles my heart. I can sit here right now and feel  this warm comforting feeling inside of me knowing where every blessing came from. Life even at its hardest can be so wonderful. The Lord helped me through each second of doubt I had and in return replaced it with encouragement. He comforted me when I felt like I couldn't continue. I know that through Him, I can accomplish anything I desire. My heart is full. I have two beautiful boys and an amazing husband

Seth is such a great BIG brother. He loves Ashton very much, and I'm grateful he has adjusted to him so well. Cameron is the best dad these two boys could ask for. 

I'm tired utterly exhausted as expected. My house is a disaster half all the time. Seth's routine/schedule is just now getting back on track...two months later. I feel like a walking zombie most all days. The reality of having a newborn is...nothing gets done besides feedings, diaper changes and the mounds of extra laundry, but I wouldn't trade it for anything!! I love having a new baby around, and I am trying to soak up as much as I can while he is still so little. Even the midnight/early-morning feedings, not a second goes by that I don't feel blessed and grateful. 

Pinch Me...I Must Be Dreaming!

I wish children had pause buttons. Not to stop them so I can relax or sleep, but to keep life exactly where it is. Seth brings such joy into my life. Every moment I find wonderful he is apart of it. I wake up happy knowing I'll see his perfect smiling face to greet me. I come out of bad moods instantly just watching him run around my house in his horribly ripped stained, what I call disgusting and what Seth calls "cool" batman costume. Yes, the one from Halloween. Can you only imagine the condition of this cheap Walmart costume that has been worn on a daily basis since Halloween. Its not pretty, and since Seth loves it so much I cant bare to throw it away.

I love how caring he is towards me, always making sure I'm happy. Everyday...literally he asks about 50+ times "Mom you happy" my response is always "Of course sweetie." His reaction is a wide ear to ear grin...how adorable is that? Today when our family doctor told Seth "Well your just wide eyed and bushy tailed this morning" Seths reply was "No I'm handsome." Kids say the darnedest things sometimes.

I feel like I've been so blessed in my life. Actually I dont feel I know that this family of mine has truly had the windows of Heaven opened and blessings showered upon each of us. I'm grateful for this gospel, the knowledge to know and have an understanding of so many things. I love that we can stand out in this society instead of stand within.

Three more months and our precious Ashton will be here. Oh my...oh my!!! Every day I wonder what it will be like to have two children. Then I look at Seth and realize life will be better...more joyful moments to experience. More ways to learn and challenge myself as a mother. More ways to expand my love and patience! I love trials, because the blessings from them no matter what they are fills my heart and it becomes full. My husband and soon to be two children make my life complete.

Time flies...

Oh boy how does time just pass you by! Halloween was wonderful, Cameron was able to get off work early and we both, as a family I might add with such gratefulness, took our sweet Seth trick-or-treating. It was wonderful to finally share a holiday together, and for once we didnt have to say good-bye afterwards. Seth was the most adorable Batman I have ever seen too. He was able to get lots of candy, that he did indeed enjoy then shortly forgot so I threw it out. Mostly for my sake, sadly I think I ate more than him. 

I love this picture! 

                                                             Ready to go mom!

                                                                       First house!!

                                                                 Yay!! A sucker!

                                                                  The damage!




November has been a wonderful month. We have been able to finish a lot of much needed Christmas shopping. December is approaching so quick, and I'm so glad we were able to divide the shopping and cost into two months. Last week Seth was admitted into the Alberta Children's Hospital for a 5 day EEG (its a test that measures and records the electrical activity of your brain. Special sensors are attached to your head and hooked by wires to a computer. The computer records your brain's electrical activity on the screen or on paper.) Seth was diagnosed with Epilepsy/Seizure Disorder when he was about 18 months old. The hospital here is absolutely amazing. This test was just for record purposes. Since we just moved here the doctors wanted to do some tests themselves. So we spent 5 days in the hospital. The worst part was trying to get my wild 3 year old to stay in bed. He was video recorded the entire time just in case he had a seizure so I was told to make sure he was in front of the camera at all times. I cant say it was the best week I had but I'm glad that I was able to be there for him. We shared many laughs and watched way to much TV! I should really give him more credit because I thought it was going to be more of a fight to keep him in bed but it wasnt. As long as I was there with him he did pretty good. One downfall they wanted to induce seizures, so because Seth has seizures when he is tired they slept deprived him. Sleep depriving a 3 year old means sleep depriving the mom. We went to bed around 12am and woke back up at 6am. I already feel like a walking zombie with 8 hours of sleep and possibly a nap during the day if I can squeeze it in while being pregnant. Luckily it was only 5 days and we had the weekend to re-group. We also went and grabbed our lovely Christmas tree too! 

                                 My wonderful husband, whom I love oh so much! 

I'm finally 4 months pregnant! YAY!!! The sickness and extreme tiredness has passed and I cant say I'm sorry one bit. That was probably the worst I have ever felt in my life and thought to myself many times "I"m never doing this again." I really wonder how many times during pregnancy a woman says those words and end up having a least a few more kids. I guess time does heal all because I completely forgot what the first 3 months were like and now I'm slowly starting to remember the "truth" about pregnancy! Even though at times its ruthless torture I'm so blessed to have the opportunity to have children. Cameron and I are so excited to welcome this little one into the world next year! We find out what we are having in two weeks! 

Seth and I will be making a trip to the United States in the middle of December. I'm so excited to see my parents and friends. I really miss them all so much, and I have been craving a few food items that I will be stocking up on while I'm there. Mmmm just the thought makes me hungry! I have noticed one specific craving with this pregnancy and it definitely isnt beneficial to my goal of "slow weight gain." Neopolitan ice cream, oh my I could literally eat the entire bucket! I have been slightly exercising, and by slightly I mean twice....I'm working on getting more motivation...working on it is key here! 

Other than that life is the same, wonderful!